Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The Bar Slut's Guide For Picking Up Men

Ladies, not sure what to do when you eye that special man down at the end of the bar? Oh, he may not be Mr. Right but he's definitely Mr. Right Now. To land that dreamboat, here's a few pointers:

  1. Buy him a drink. Men never turn down free booze especially if it's a body shot.
  2. Walk by and drop something. It can be anything, from a book of matches to your birth control pills. The goal is to bend over so that he can see that sweet tramp stamp and the baby blue thong you picked up at Wal-Mart.
  3. Look sad and vulnerable. A lot of men love that weak woman crap. When he asks you what's wrong, make something up. Just don't be too dramatic or he'll think you're psychotic.
  4. Smile. I don't mean that booking photo smile. I mean that Farrah Fawcett, selling toothpaste smile. Men like it when you smile at them. Unless you're missing some teeth. Then consider just a closed lip smile but not a smirk as that makes you look like a total bitch.
  5. Show some cleavage. Ladies we all know that men are obsessed with breasts. It doesn't hurt to show a little cleavage and maybe a bit of the bra (assuming you're wearing one). The bra part only works if you're wearing one of the lacy ones. If you're sporting one of the industrial white ones, forget it. No one needs to see that, especially the guy you're trying to hook up with. However, all this means squat if your cup size is below a B.
  6. If you're sporting a mini, cross and uncross your legs. Men go nuts over that. I don't mean repeatedly like you're ADHD or have to pee. Just a couple of times. If you have cankles, then forget it. Actually, if you have cankles, why the hell are you in a mini to begin with? AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS,
  7. Take off your shirt. Yep, right there in the bar. He'll see all he needs to see before they throw you out and chances are he'll be right behind you.


Rasputin said...

I'll have to remember this the next time I'm trying to pick up unhappy married sluts...

Folly said...

Well, there's always Craig's List.

Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur said...

5? Not so much. I've always been an ass man myself.